A beaten and bloody unity pony called the White House late last night pleading for help according to a source close to the situation. Pony pal Heff T Shuer says that the equine, Wholly One, had been beaten senseless, "He was weeping so it was difficult to understand him. We did manage to track his cell phone location and send help. He’s recovering nicely at Bethesda Home for the Lost and Befuddled."
When asked if there were any suspects in the attack Shuer responded, "No, but we did find a jar of peanut butter where the sun doesn’t shine." Probed for clarification a grim faced Shuer said, "There were party favors at the scene. Let’s just say they were pachydermish in nature."
How long before Wholly One would be fully recovered? "Who knows," said Shuer. "He gets spooked by heavy footsteps so it could be a while."
